Tag Archives: adult choices

Friendship

Friendship on our Level

18 Comments

A friend told me something powerful today.

That if I wasn’t here, she wouldn’t still be here.

Let that sink in for a moment…

That if I wasn’t here, she wouldn’t still be here.

That if I wasn’t here, she wouldn’t still be here.

It took me aback for a minute. I took it like, if I wasn’t here, neither would she be, as in like…life. It could go so many ways, suicide? Running away? Wither up and dying from my lack of horrid jokes and hummus desk snacks?

She said it seriously, with tears in her eyes. I was speechless for a moment. That is quite a powerful message to hand someone…without an explanation. But that significant message was oh-so precious. It must be handled carefully, like a delicate orchid and treasured for the meaning behind it. It is not something you can laugh off or pish posh.

If you weren’t here, I wouldn’t be here. Think about it.

Looking back on it now, I believe she was speaking of work, like she would have quit her job by now. But either way, it is quite the statement.

She values our friendship so much that my simply being here, alters her life, her path, her choices. That my dear folks, is friendship at its most deepest and cherished level. We are not simply co-workers that sit beside each other and fill our days with idle chitchat. I care about her life, I feel like I know her daughters and mother on a deeper level than I actually do. I feel her pain and I share her shining moments. We get a kick out of word play and grammar puns, she is my go-to gal for English questions, like, “do you ‘bare’ with me or ‘bear’ with me? Either way sounds not too fun!” She cares about others, to the point that she puts herself out. She will stay late after her shift to finish your conversation and she slips you a homemade concoction of essential oils when you have the sniffles. She is older than me by a generation I would say. One of her daughters is my age and yet, I don’t feel “mothered” or that generational gap that I feel with other older people…she is just…her. Beautiful in both mind and spirit. She often gives me pause. She will say something or forward me something to read and I have to actually think about it before I respond. She understands life differently than most. She understands life on a different level than most. She gets what is hidden in-between the lines and words and interprets them for me. She stops and looks at sunsets and frost patterns on  windows. She sees the beauty that most of us just walk by without notice. She literally stops to smell the roses. She’s like a Buddhist monk hidden in a little lady’s body who wears 2 coats in the winter for quite logical reasons.

Cancer has taken so much from her and although we have cancer in common, both being caregivers and supporters, our journeys have taken very different paths. Our roads with grief, guilt, stress and eventually healing has been rocky and bumpy and filled with potholes. But we share it together, over cold leftover toast and a cuppa tea.

She has seen some dark places but she has also lived in the light. She married her very best friend only for him to be taken away by cancer at a young age. You can tell his presence is missed daily and also deeply. She lights up when she tells stories about him. There is a twinkle in her eye that is rarely there…it is great to see. And yet, the pain is evident. She sometimes reminds me a granite boulder. Strong and powerful, hard to break and why would you want too, as the colour and texture is breathtaking. And yet, there is a crack. A single, small, chip in her granite. The water gets in, year after year, the fall of winter and the rise of summer brings this crack to the surface, getting bigger, more significant and stands out. It is absolutely heartbreaking to see a chip in a perfect piece of granite and not be able to do anything about it. No amount of duct tape, hugs, tea or alcohol (my go-to fixer uppers) will fix this crack. It will always be there. That is what cancer does. Cracks a perfect life, splits a happy marriage and family, chips a woman until she is on her knees baring the weight of all these broken pieces on her back. This is not weight that anyone else can carry. I hope with time and support and love, she will be able to stand tall again. Some days are worse than others, for both of us. But I think, together, we got this…

We may differ in so many ways, her husband died, my son survived. She struggles with loss and loneliness, I struggle with clinginess and neediness, I love pretzels , she threatens my life if I mention them and she is Scottish where I am English! It is amazing we can even sit together! And yet, as shitty as cancer is, I feel like this friendship is something amazing that came out of it.

And on some levels, if she were no longer here, a very big, granite sized piece of me would be gone too…

And please remember, no matter how alone you are feeling, you are never, ever, ever alone. Please reach out…

XOX

Loss

*UPDATE* IT’s A GIRL!

Leave a comment

With a broken heart, I have to tell you that I lost our baby girl. She was born asleep on March 11, 2016 at just 4.5 months gestation. Willow Diane Hammond will be forever in our hearts.

Willow Diane Hammond Born asleep 3/11/16

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Though she be but little, she is fierce!”

~William Shakespeare
 

Originally posted in March, 2016.

WOWZERS!
It is with great happiness and a lot of surprise that Marty and I would like to announce we are expecting a little GIRL in August!

Feelings

Feeling Guilty

1 Comment
All cancer survivors! Walking together, surviving together!
All cancer survivors! Walking together, surviving together!

Have you ever felt guilty about something? Maybe you stepped on a bug on the sidewalk? Elbowed your kid in the head by mistake? Ran over a squirrel in your car? I think we have all done these things, felt guilty about it for a moment and moved on. I once was shopping in Zellars (The Canadian version of Kmart) with my Mom, and I was young enough not to be able to see over the counter, so I was five maybe? I was REALLY excited over this new Barbie my Mum let me pick out. I clutched her in my arms throughout the entire store, I looked into her eyes and day dreamed of the dressing changes we would be doing and plastic car rides we would be going on. My Mum bustled me along, as she grabbed her bags to leave. Out in the parking lot she realized I was still clutching the dang Barbie and had not paid for it. I remember her DRAGGING me back into the store like some common criminal. I was embarrassed, but more than anything, I felt GUILTY. Like a deep ache of guilt, like would be Mum ever forgive me? Could I ever forgive myself? Will I still get into College?

Fast forward 20 years and here I sit, snuggling with my beautiful healthy five year old boy that happens to be a cancer survivor. Yes, we have a few side effects and setbacks due to Cancer, but in the grand scheme of things, we had a very lucky journey. As I sit here, running my hands through his hair that grew back a much darker colour, I cannot help but to think of the friends of ours that are still battling the disease. Why is my child ok but theirs has relapsed? Why did they go through 12 ports and ours was perfectly fine? Why is my child alive while theirs is dead? The guilt swallows me up some days. Do I deserve to have a healthy child when some great Mums out there are missing theirs? I can’t wrap my head around it. Logically, I know it’s silly, I should be shouting from the roof tops and dancing a jig at our luck. But how can I be celebrating when other kids are dying? When other kids are still fighting? Apparently it’s called Survivors guilt which is a part of my PTSD. That’s great that there is a nice little name for it…but how do I fix it?

The long and the short of it? I DID make it in to college, LOL the Barbie trauma is long behind me. But the Survivors Guilt? I find myself inserting myself into my Cancer Community, doing things like running a Parent’s Support group, organizing a Super Hero sewing bee so every sick kid gets a Courage Cape and lots of fundraising events through the year. Events like Relay for Life is a great day where Cancer Families and their supporters plus great members of the community get together to walk together and raise money. Its a way of connecting. Look up your local Cancer Society or Ronald McDonald House as they always never volunteers I feel like instead of filling my heart with guilt and dread, I actively fill my heart with love from these other Cancer families. Yes, by putting myself out there, I could get hurt again as our friends may relapse but the love far outweighs any of the bad.

The guilt? I will never be able to fix it but I CAN put it in a figurative little box, with a pretty little bow. I know it’s always there, tugging at my heartstrings but I don’t have to open it all the time. I keep it close to my heart, I think about those kids all the time but I’ve learned that it doesn’t have to take over my whole day, I don’t let the guilt consume me anymore. I’m allowed to laugh and enjoy my cancer-free child. We all know life is just too precious and too short to be worried about something I cannot change.

Hug your babies tight tonight…and remember, you are not alone.

 

My Thoughts as a Cancer Mama

My Mum

Leave a comment
My Mum

My Mum, aka Grandma J, aka Janey.

Those that know her are better off just being in her presence. I’m totally serious! She somehow is able to calm both you and your steroid crazied child with a couple of words, a hug and manages to cut a single piece of paper into a chicken in 2 seconds flat. You can “pin” her a recipie that night, the next morning it will be waiting on your porch WARM from the oven. Her bed is always the perfect place to lay across the end of to chat, or in times of crisis, to snuggle up on the mound of pillows to cry and snuggle. She adopts the worst smelling dirty dogs from the pound and loves them to death! And we all snuggle in Grandma’s bed. (Ted is a grumpy old Cairn Terrier who is loyal and funny. Bruce is the newest addition, an Irish wolfhound cross that loves his people. He sit and leeeeeans into you, like I love you soooo much!) She listens to your worries and then comes up with solutions, but the best part? She makes your dreams comes true! I dreamed of giving back to the cancer community, she got a project off the ground of making “Garden Gazing Balls” that she sold to raise money for our favourite Cancer charity in our area. (http://www.aliviasrainbows.com/) These gazing balls are now legendary, and hard to get your hands on! Griffin is now healthy and in full swing, Grandma has very little time to make them anymore. Click here is see the article in the paper about Mum and her gazing balls: http://www.niagarafallsreview.ca/2012/08/15/gazing-balls-support-alivias-rainbows

Now when Griffin was sick, his weight would go up and down, during rough weeks, he would lose weight, then when he was on steroids, he would balloon up, becoming all puffy and outgrowing his clothes. It didn’t help that he was already a big boy (can I mention that he was 12lbs 2oz at birth? THREE WEEKS EARLY…yeah…I know…) and we struggled with the hospital supplied “prison” striped pajamas. If we did find a pair that fit, the button was broken or it was missing a tie. There is already enough embarrassing and undignified things about the hospital, having your PJs not do up was the last straw! Grandma Janey marched into the fabric store and got this great Cookie monster fabric. Bright blue and cookies all over it. She made several pairs, in varying different sizes depending on his needs. Then she added a pocket in the back to tuck the end of the feeding tube into, then added straps on the shoulders to keep the various tubes and IVs under control and to keep from tangling. We travelled everywhere in these jammies. To a different hospital for rads, down the MRI, to Chemo clinic. They soon became famous! Other mamas were “inquiring” how they could get thier hands on them for thier own children! We would get word that another child had relapsed, Grandma Janey would quick get on it and sew up a pair! The ladies at the cat scan could recognize them from a mile away. They are bright and cheery and gives the nurses something to talk to the child about. And I think its a way for my Mum to hug “her” chemo kids when she isn’t with them.

And now that project has evolved once again! She is now teaming up with Alivia’s rainbows! Now, when a child is referred to Alivia’s for help, they will also get a custom pair of Grammie Jammies and a cuddley quilt (donated by my Mum’s quilting buddies!) Its so wonderful to see my Mum’s ideas grow and flow out in the community! I love to randomly see a third party photo and SURPRISE! They are wearing Grammie Jammie! LOL AMAZING!

But most of all? I love that my mother LOVES my son as much as I do. I consider us blessed to have another set of parents for Griffin. And he loves them just as much. I love watching him play and goof around with Grandma. They have a blast together. Sometimes I struggle to figure out who is having more fun!

Things you may not know about my Mother:

1.She makes THE MOST AMAZING birthday cakes EVER! I have childhood memories filled with amazing birthday cakes, from the pirate treasure chest, to a toadstool to one with blue water “jello”…amazing…

2. She is a crier. Happy, sad, proud, excited, it doesn’t matter, she cries. And I’ll admit, I usually cry right along with her. Its like she has soooo much emotion, it leaks out. Talk about heart on your sleeve???

3. She reads the most gawd-awful romance/murder novels. You know the ones, the the hunky guy on the front and called Murder on the Midnight Train to Love. Or something equally dumb. As a book lover myself, I’m offended! I call these “fluff” novels. No real story or education to it, just mind numbing fluff. But i SOOOO I get it. She is such an intense person throughout the day, always on the move, always down at Griffin’s level, giving him her absolute attention, that by the end of the day, she just wants to kick back and read a “fluffy” book. She deserves it so I try not to make fun of her. Also, she knows that I read the whole Twilight series 86 times while I was on bedrest while I was pregnant. So really? Who am I to judge???

4. She is a baker. One of those, don’t follow a map, throw in whatever and it turns out wonderful, baker. Throughout our cancer journey, she would arrive at our house at 6am with a basket of fresh cheese scones for us to munch on while travelling to our early morning appts in Hamilton. At the time, I was having a lot of trouble eating, the stress was eating away at my belly, often I would just eat my Mommy scones and diet Fresca in a day. I’m now diabetic…Lord knows why…lol. She has made me dozens of cookies for bake exchanges so I can pass them off as my own (no one believed me though because they were so good, so I had to fess up) And at least twice a week she makes pies. Yes, it doesn’t matter if it the peak of summer, there is Mum in the kitchen, making one of her famous bumbleberry pies because the fruit is too ripe. My Hubby Marty is a sucker for her mystery bumbleberry pies. He says,  “You never know what is in there, but its always good!” She has the ability to “know” when you need a batch a cookies dropped in your mailbox, or tea biscuits left on your front porch. She bakes from the heart and so you can’t help but to feel loved!

5. She’s English. She was born there and came over to Canada when she was just small. If she is really really mad (usually at one of my brothers when we were small) or yelling at a dog, sometimes, just sometimes, her English accent comes out. It would make my brothers and I burst out in laughter. I’m sure it drove her nuts.  I’m not sure if she ever caught on while we were growing up, it was kinda our little secret pact as children. I haven’t heard it in years, but every now and then. when Ted pees on the carpet, the English Old Lady comes out, I can’t help but to smile…

One of my most favourite memories? We were at Camp Trillium (Cancer camp, which is an AMAZING place) http://camptrillium.com/ Griffin is in the middle of his cancer journey and we are recovering from CDIFF. He is worn out, I’m worn out and even Grandma is worn out. We laugh because all we did for the whole week was nap! LOL Anyway, on this particular day. Griffin was into Tigers! So Grandma being Grandma, she was on all fours, crawling along the floor (yes she does have tiger ears and a tail. And yes, she has worn them outside, like in public by mistake…HAHAHA) And they were wrestling on the camp cot, you know, like tigers do, and “somehow” Griffin’s feeding tube got pulled out. Off to the camp medical office we go. We decide that we are not going to put it back in, Griffin will have to struggle through the last couple of days of camp without it. Fast forward a couple of hours, we are back in the medical office, now his leg needle has “somehow” come out as well. With our heads hung low, we have to explain that a “tiger did it”. Griffin thought this was WAY too funny and giggled himself silly as we had to explain the story to the camp medical staff, the camp director, and also the nurses and doctors as we had to attend the hospital to get everything put back in!!! hahaha LOVE IT! Tiger wrestles is the best kind of wrestling! teehee!

Another great memory? My pregnancy with Griffin was not an easy one. And he spent five days in the NICU after he was born. There was a swine flu outbreak in the hospital so only my husband and I could go see him. I could tell that my Mum was DYING to  meet him but she had to wait. So for some reason I was really upset the night before and called my Mum crying (probably hormonal, after birth kinda stuff) but anyway, my Mum rushed up to the hospital in the morning, I remember she wasn’t as “put together” as she usually is. She rushed into the room, worried about me of course, and there was Mr Griffin waiting for her! He had been released and we kept it a secret so she would be surprised. I remember her tears, I remember the way they looked at each other, there was a special bond there.  He somehow got out of his swaddle and reached up and touched her cheek. We are talking a five day old baby here. It was a moment. A moment I will hold in my heart forever…

My Mum has always been there for me. From my crazy girl guide/scout schedule, to never deciding on a degree in University (Yes, I started 4 different degrees and only ever finished one…lol) She would listen to my long winded recountings of EVERY book I read, yes folks, I would sit on the end of her bed and TELL HER THE WHOLE BOOK…looking back on it, I don’t know how she put up with me! She has loved my husband as much as her own children since the day he stepped onto her porch. Most mother-in-laws and husbands don’t get along. My Hubby shows up at my parents house for dinner when I am not there, a lot. lol She supported my non-meat eating ways, making me special meals instead of mocking my choices. She never made me feel uncertain or self concious even though I’ve been a “big” girl my whole life. She instilled a sense of independence in me while keeping me feeling loved, which is a fine line to walk as a parent I think. Now, as a mother myself, I realize what a tough job raising a child is. And I now realize that I don’t thank her enough, tell her I love her enough or hug her enough. One of the wonderful things about cancer, is that it FORCES to stop and look around. You notice the people around you. And you are overwhelmingly greatful to them. Most children don’t know how wonderful thier parents are until they have passed on. Cancer has given me a chance to tell my Mum how great she is while she is still here instead of at her funeral. Another odd blessing cancer has given me…and for that, I am greatful.

So in closing, my Mum is amazing, not only to me, but also my Husband (she feeds him well) my son and every cancer kid we come in contact with. We are blessed to have her. And to her I say Thank You Mum, from the bottom of my heart…

Love Emmmie-loo-hoo

My Thoughts as a Cancer Mama

Loss

Leave a comment

Loss

When talking about loss and cancer, together, one would assume we are talking about people, like actual physical people and their souls but I’d like to focus on another type of loss a Cancer Mama can meet along her journey with cancer. Friendships. Yup, its true, when you are in the worst battle of your life. You will be surprised at the people that just dissappear from your life!

At first I took this personally. but then, the more it happened and the more it happened to my fellow Cancer Mamas, the more we realized that it was a common issue! I no longer take it like an insult. People come in and out of our lives many different times, for different reasons. Who knows why but I would like them to know that the door is always open if they ever what to come back!

I tried to think up reasons. Of course, it could be me! I like to think that I have not changed, but that would be a lie. I HAVE changed! (I hope for the better!) I’ve lost my innocence for sure. I’ve faced my child’s mortality and of course pondered my own. I’ve buried chemo buddies, I’ve watched children waste away to nothing. I’ve watched cancer rip families apart, tear apart marriages and drain every cent a family has. I’ve watched child take medicine that poisions thier bodies to the point of death, meds that take thier hair, sight, hearing, mobility, and watched thier parents give it to them. I’ve put on a lead bib as my baby gets radiated, over and over and over again. I’m not the same person. I’ve seen the dark side of life. But because I’ve seen the dark side, I hang on tight the bright! I don’t take my life and my family for granted. I love my friends and family even deeper now. I see the good in people and the amazing organizations that helped us. I love watching kids kick cancer’s butt and watch them walk out of that hospital a victor. There is a new normal for me. And maybe some of my friends cannot handle this change. Is that my fault? Nope. Is it my friends fault? Certainly not. I just have a different focus, I’m on a different path and sometimes friendships cannot follow along. And thats okay. It is a hard reality to accept and that’s okay too.

Cancer is intense. Like seriously intense. Some people cannot handle that. I think a few of my friends just couldn’t handle the stress of cancer. Even though it wasn’t thier child, it wasn’t thier family, it still hurt just like it was. They had to put walls up. We all have these walls, in order to protect our hearts, but we all have different levels and strengths to our walls. Some can let me in, with my cancer baggage and all. But other people already have had assualts on thier heart, thier walls are a little shakey and already crumbling, there are hastily stacking brick on brick thying to keep it together. The added weight of a sick child on top of that? Would cause the walls to break down, that person to break down…and there for, we are no longer speaking. It does hurt me that I’ve lost friends. Of course it does. It takes notches out of my armour. But just like a knight going into battle, I still wear their ribbon daily. I hang onto the good memories and the wonderful advice, laughter and friendship they have given me over the years. They need time to regroup, time to build up thier heart and soul til it is strong again. I will be here when they do. (I hope a certain person reads this, because yes, some of this is about you. Life has given us shitty paths to take, not even a choise on our parts, just the cards we were dealt. I wouldn’t mind playing poker again…my chips are all-in)

Aaaaand I talk about cancer…a lot. I’ve been told that it can be “negative”. Take it as you will, but I’m getting the word out. Its on my facebook, twitter and pinterest, EVERY SINGLE DAY. I would imagine it can get a little “much” for people. But there is never enough for me… I talk about it alllll the time. I’m making it my mission to find a cure and raise awareness. I’m not focused only on the doom and gloom, I’m fundraising and going to events, I’m dropping off donations, I’m visiting cancer kids…I’m busy. I don’t have time to dwell on what used to be. And I’m not going to apologize or even feel sad for the friendships I have lost. They were part of my story, they made me stronger and better then before I knew them. And for that I thank them. I will love them til the end of my days. But quite frankly, i don’t have time to worry about the past, or who is talking to who. I’m moving on, I’m rising up, I’m kicking ass. If you want to join me, hop on board! If you’re not, thats okay, maybe i’ll see ya on my way back around!

YeeHaw!

My Thoughts as a Cancer Mama

Today we lost a Baby…

Leave a comment

Today we lost a Baby…

Okay, so Austin was not exactly a baby, he was 13 years old, but he was still Jen’s baby and Cancer took him too soon, and I’m upset. I want to stomp my feet, I want to have a temper tantrum, I want to scream at the top of my lungs. But will any of this bring sweet Austin back to us? Nope, so here I am, stuck at work, trying to hold it together so my co-workers don’t think I’m even nuttier than I really am.

Let me introduce Mr Austin. (He is Adam in my other posts) He is a teenager. All the teens in the Chemo clinic sit in a special area that has a big TV and an arcade style video game. This area is off-limits to little kids. Try telling a 2 year old that. This off-limits area is tempting like honey to a bee. All the teens have iphones and ipads and various video games. My techie loving son was desprete to get his sticky little hands on it all. Most of the teens ignored the little kids (I don’t blame them) but Austin did not. Griffin would poke his head inbetween the seats to peer at whatever Austin was watching/gaming. Austin would grin ear to ear and tilt the screen so Griffin could see. They were buddies from that day forward. Austin was not a man of many words, generally quiet. So was Griffin, but they were still great buds!

About halfway through Griffin’s year of treatments, we were on the hospital ward for a routine round of in-treatment chemo for a week. And guess who was our roommate? AUSTIN! Griffin was VERY excited, but poor Austin was having a rough go. The poor kid was throwing up every three minutes. Since we were sharing a room, you can hear everything so we were trying to respect his privacy, but you could not help but to hear the BLAHHHHH of him throwing up, and then the sweetest, weakest little voice would pipe up, “Excuse me” or “Sorry” everytime he threw up! He was apologizing to us! He was in the worst shape of his life, puking up a gut and worried about us?!?!?! Yup, thats Austin for ya!

On Griffin’s LAST chemo hospital stay, Austin was also on the ward, right beside us in a quarentined room. He was flown in by helicopter, he was very weak and small looking in that bed. He had an oxygen mask on, and would lift his head and try to take the mask off to talk to Griffin! Since he was too weak to get up, he wrote a note so his Mum could write a special note on Griffin’s NO MORE CHEMO banner.

Austin was such a kind soul, seriously, its really rare to see that in teens these days. We are so lucky to have met him, even for such a little while. Somedays it just doesn’t seem fair. I cry my tears but now I’m just plain old MAD. Our babies shouldn’t be going through all this grown up stuff. My child shouldn’t have to go to THREE different funerals for his friends this year…its just not fair. But it just makes me want to fight harder, scream louder. Lets find a cure here people. NOt one more baby are we going to loose to this horrid disease. No more.

RIP Austin Whittom. May you be free of pain and at peace. Keep your stick on the Ice!

My Thoughts as a Cancer Mama

These are ADULT Choices I’m Making Here!

Leave a comment
There are Adult choices I’m making here! *Looks around* Do they know who I am? That they put ME in charge?!?!

Ha...25 small cracks just mean you've been put to the test 25 times, and still haven't fell apart!I’ve always been a rather independent person, probably more mature than my peers, able to make my own decisions and fend for myself. I put myself through school at 20, found my wonderful husband at 22, got married at 25, bought a little house also at 25, we had Griffin when I was 30. But I still felt like a kid at heart. I was a dance in the rain kinda Mum, its ok to get a little muddy every now and then! You want meatballs for breakfast? Hey why not!?!

Then cancer hits us and rocks my little boat. I’m suddenly clutching the sides and trying not to be thrown overboard.

I’m making life and death decisions for my son! Like adult choices, like big time, holy crap decisions. My first gut move? MOMMY!

Luckily, my Husband and I had amazing support and yes, my sweet mother was there for every step of the way! (thank gawd)

But as a Cancer Parent, you are suddenly in charge of your child’s care and medication. You need to keep track of on going and ever changing appointments with different needs going along with them. (to eat or not to eat before an appt, THAT is the question!) You have to make sudden decisions about your child’s care, like to give life saving medication or not, to remove limbs, to perform procedures that could save them, or not…to put these choices on anyone is hard. Put these on a stressed out Mama who couldn’t decide what type of bagel to have this morning? Impossible!

As it turned out, the choices were not actually that hard, our family would discuss the issue and usually we were all on the same page which happened to be the same page as the Doctors, so it all worked out. But I’ve heard horror stories from other cancer parents that are trying to work with ex-husbands, or super religious parents or whatever, that the decision making process is not that easy.

Luckily my husband and I are morally, religiously and spiritually on the same ground. Basically we wanted the f-ing cancer outta our boy, the faster the better, all while maintaining his dignity and childhood. It was a balance of play and medicine. where the play would come first, throw a little chemo in there and then lots of snuggles and play after. For a four night hospital stay, we would pack 2 whole wheelchair loads of crap, just for the hospital room. Colourful quilts for blankets, but also to liven up the room. Several bright pillowcases that not only served as cases but also, toy bags, barf bags, blankets in a pinch, spill cloths, peek-a-boo items, etc. We had a large tote bag that it was Grandma’s job to re-stock every visit. From puzzles, to noisey flashlights to golf tees, yes golf tees, she had it all!

This whole cancer experience made me open my eyes and realize that I AM an adult (crap…when did THAT happen?!?) And I made it through, WE made it through, our little family is intact, our marriage is intact, my parents are closer than ever and best of all? Our boy is cancer-free. Sounds like our ADULT CHOICES turned out ok eh?